My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
