Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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