Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
