He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
