Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
