i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My dick has a subreddit
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
