I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize