Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
