i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
