ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
