I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
