I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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