Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
