Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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