i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
