see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
