also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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