Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
