i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
