I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
