I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
