Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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