I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Plan B is the new Plan A
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
