Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
