u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
