I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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