I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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