We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
