Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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