I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
