It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
