Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
