But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
