I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
