If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
being pregnant is like rehab
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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