I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
