I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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