please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
