ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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