did you get engaged???
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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