im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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