Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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