puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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