Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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