I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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