he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
