Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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