paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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