# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
