I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Someone shattered a urinal.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
