Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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