Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
