im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
