So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
