dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize