Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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