He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
