got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
