We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
