I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
