I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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