Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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