I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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