I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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