I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
