i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
