so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
