I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just want nice things and good sex
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
