I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
wat bout pragnant strippers??
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
