I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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