I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
