put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize