Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
