I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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