What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
