I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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