ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he was CRYING into my vagina
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
