It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
