Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
