Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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