ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize