My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
