i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
