He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
