You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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