The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize