At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
