Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
