We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
