I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
