The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize