If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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