"it" just moved
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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