i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
