True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
