First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
