I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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