Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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