Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just made out with a guy for $7.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
