omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
