I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
