when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
