i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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