I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We need to rekindle our bromance
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
