So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
