I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
if only i could text you this smell
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I think I have vodka in my lungs
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
