I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize