I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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