I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Randomize
