I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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