I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
