Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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