I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
