i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So much Jack, so little girl.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
