Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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