I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
