I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize