I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
