thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You smell like stripper and shame
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
